


right where you left me

by doctery



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans Richie Tozier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:29:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29155086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctery/pseuds/doctery
Summary: Richie had come out as trans in his 20s, so when Mike call because It is back he expected someone else to answer the phone.Richie is nervous to meet the Losers again, wondering how they will react, especially his ex-boyfriend Eddie....
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 3
Kudos: 77





	right where you left me

**Author's Note:**

> as always friends English isn't my first language  
> beta read by google docs autocorrect

The phone had been ringing for forever. Richie really didn’t wanna answer it but he really wanted for it to stop. He had a pretty bad hangover. He was on the peak of his comedy career. People loved him.Or at least the version he gave them. Anyway the ringing really hurt Richie and he cursed himself for not putting his phone on silent like a normal human being and answered it.

“Yeah?” he asked into the receiver.

“Rachel?” the voice on the other end asked. Richies blood ran cold. No one had called him by that name in ages! Over 20 years to be more specific.

“This is Richie Tozier.” He simply said.

“Oh are you Rachel's husband? I really need to talk to her.” The voice sounded urgend.

“ _Rachel_ doesn’t exist anymore, who is this anyway?” He was too hungover for this conversation.

“Oh sorry this is Mike Hanlon, from Derry. I’m an old friend of Rachel. Wh-what did you mean by that? She doesn’t exist anymore?”

What the fuck Derry? Jesus, Richie hadn’t thought about his old hometown in ages. Or ever. But slowly the wheels in his head began turning. Mike Hanlon, the black kid who used to get bullied… they all got bullied! They used to be a group of friends. How many of them were there? He tried to remember but it was all so blurry. 

“Urgh.” Richie rubbed his eyes.”Seriously mate I’m too hungover for this conversation. Derry you said?” 

“Yes right! There used to be a group of friends of us! This is really urgent.”

“Listen buddy, I can barely remember what you're talking about. I don’t know what this is about but I know that I want nothing to do with anything from _Derry_.” he spit the word like a curse. There was a moment of silence before the voice, no Mike, asked timid “Are you… Rachel?”

“Well I’m not anymore that’s the whole fucking point.” Richie was frustrated and didn’t even try to hide it in his voice.

“Oh...OH I’m so sorry, Richie it was right? I didn’t know! My apologies.” Richie was surprised how fast Mike caught himself. Well.

“Yeah whatever.” it was kinda awkward now cause Richie had expected Mike to be an asshole about it. But Mike had never been an asshole hadn’t he? It was hard to remember. 

“Richie, I really need you to come back to Derry! This is important. The others are coming too. It is back.”

  
  


Richie didn’t know why he agreed. As soon as Mike mentioned It he had to throw up. And now he was packing his bags to take the next flight to Maine. _What am I doing? He_ couldn’t really explain it but Mike was right, he had to come back to Derry.

He had asked Mike to inform the others that Richie was _Richie_ now. He didn’t want to deal with that. It was weird. He remembered when he came out at 19 to his parents, they had long moved to Colorado by then, he didn’t mind explaining it to people. But by now he didn’t have to anymore. He passed. Also “Richie Trashmouth Tozier” was so fucking straight on stage and such a dude bro no one susbected anything. His parents and his close friends weren’t a fan of his stage persona but Richie worked so hard for this career and what if he had to fake who he was on stage? Actors played someone else all the time why couldn’t he? 

When he boarded the plane he was nervous and he didn’t know if it was excitement or fear. He couldn’t quite place the feeling.

  
  


The moment he entered the Jade of the Orient he knew it. Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie's middle school boyfriend. Could you even call someone your boyfriend when you were 14? And it didn’t last long because when Richie turned 15 his family moved to Colorado. He’d promised to write Eddie letters, but he never did. He just… forgot. The others hadn't noticed him yet, all caught up in their conversations. It was so weird. He started to remember everyone and managed to place faces. 

“Richie!” It was Bev who noticed him first, her red hair cut just under her chin, beautiful as ever. She immediately went in for a hug and squished Richie tight. When she moved away she grabbed his shoulders. “Look at you! You’re a giant! And those shoulders!” 

Richie blushed and scratched the back of his head. He wasn’t the most confident in his appearance. When starting transitioning he went to the gym but got bored of it. He was intimidated by all those muscular dudes. Also he liked pizza way too much so he was left with a dad body without being a dad.

The others came over to greet him. They were all really nice and all seemed happy to see him. When Mike hugged him he whispered in Richies ear “sorry again. I’m really glad you’re here dude.” 

Richie felt his heart calm down. This was okay. Everything was fine. 

Then he saw him. Eddie Kasbrak was still standing where the others left him, eyes fixed on Richie. 

“Hey Eds.” Richie gave an awkward wave.

In a heartbeat Eddie replied “I told you not to call me that.” 

Then he blushed like his words surprised himself and Richie barked out a laugh. After that Eddie walked closer, stiff and awkward but with determination in his eyes. When he wrapped his arms around Richie he was surprised how firm the hug was. 

“You look really good Rich.” and Richie couldn’t help but smile.

When they settled around the table and their food had arrived they started talking. Bill had become a famous author writing shitty horror books, Bev was a successful fashion designer, Ben had become an architect, to no one's surprise and Mike who had stayed in Derry was a librarian. And Eddie. Eddie was married. 

Richie's heart felt heavy when he heard that and he had to take a sip from his drink to hide his discomfort. 

“And what are you doing for a living?”Richie asked so he didn't have to hear about the wife. He didn’t want to think too hard about what that meant. 

“Oh I'm a risk-analytic.” 

“Oh wow that sounds interesting what does that entail?”

Eddie started explaining and Richie started loudly snoring. Everyone laughed. Bill almost choked on his beer. Eddie was furious. His face flushed red, his arms all over the place and arguing. 

“Where is Stan when you need him? He would have defended me.” Eddie pouted. 

“Oh my god you’re right Stan… Stan Uris.” Richie said. “Where is he?”

“I called him, he said he would be here. Maybe he’s running late?” Mike said. 

Richie ran a hand through his hair. “I can’t believe I forgot about Stan.”

“You forgot about me.” Eddie said. Richie looked at him surprised, but Eddie was staring down at his drink. Richie couldn’t read his face. 

“Oh speaking of the devil.” Ben said excitedly. 

He waved at someone behind Richie and then stood up. Richie turned around to see a tall lanky man with curly hair walking into their private room. He was up before he could think, taking big steps towards the man. Stan. He saw recognition in Stan's eyes and he heard him breath his name when Richie wrapped his arms around his middle, even though he was taller than Stan. Memories rushed through his mind. His body had remembered Stand before he did. Stan, his best friend, the only one he told about his secret, about who he really was. And Stan had been so cool about it, so incredible understanding for an 80s kid. Richie felt the 30 years of missing his best friend rushing through him. He felt tears swelling in his eyes and when Stan stroke his hair the dam broke. 

_Richie had told Stan that he was actually a boy before Rachel and Eddie had started dating. Stan had been really kind, no sarcastic comment like usual._

_“You wanna tell Eddie, too?”_

_He knew about Richie’s feelings, but Richie shook his head._

_“I really like him and I think I only have a chance if I stay like this.” He threw out his arms as if to show off some merchandise in a store._

_“Can you imagine dating a boy in a girl's body? Can you imagine dating a_ boy _?” Richie had asked._

_Stan had shook his head, then shrugged his shoulders. Richie looked at him in shock._

_“Maybe? I don’t know. I can imagine kissing you and you’re a boy. What do they call it? Bi? Yeah maybe I’m bi but who knows.”_

_Richie was at a loss for words. Did Stan just really come out to him? Did he just really say he would kiss Richie?_

_“Are you saying you have a crush on me?” Richie asked at last. Stan considered it for a moment._

_“I don’t think so. But I would definitely kiss you if you.”_

_The grin he flashed Richie was mischievous and all Richie could do was cover his face and fall back into the bed. A week later he and Eddie had kissed but as soon as they became “official” he was too afraid to come out to him. No matter how many times Stan had assured him that it could work out, he never dared, too afraid of losing Eddie. And then Richie’s family left for Colorado and it took some years till he came out to someone again._

Because he had forgotten about Stan, he now realized.

“You look really good Rich. I’m so happy for you.” Stan said and smiled up at Richie.

The others had gathered around them and Richie leaned back to dry his eyes. He laughed. 

He stepped away to give the others space to greet Stan as well. 

When he caught Eddie's eyes he looked angry, no hurt. Richie was confused, but then he thought maybe Eddie was hurt because Richie hadn’t acted so excited when he saw Eddie again. After all he and Eddie used to date. But that couldn’t be right. Eddie had been in love with _Rachel_ not Richie. Even if Eddie couldn’t understand what Stan meant to Richie. Stan had been the only one who knew that time and he was Richie's best friend and he loved him. That didn’t mean he didn’t love Eddie as well. Maybe he was even still in love with him. Maybe that’s why he didn’t like hearing about Eddie's wife. But Richie couldn’t have told Eddie back then. Because then Eddie would have broken up with him and that was something young Richie really couldn’t have handled. He had been so afraid of losing Eddie. He couldn’t even tell him when they moved away because he was sure he would write to Eddie and was sure they continued their relationship and met again. 

Well in the end they met again. And Richie had become the person he was all along and Eddie had married a woman. This was how it was supposed to be. There was nothing he could do.

Richie would probably have thought longer about all this if not for the loud crash that came from the table that startled them all.

One of the fortune cookies the waitress had brought just a moment ago was growing larger, it had already crushed the bowl it was in. Suddenly one large leg was breaking free. Then another and another and then there was a giant spider on the table, screaming at them.

“You got to be fucking kidding me.” Richie said. 

Ben was the first to react, grabbing one of the chairs and throwing it at the creature.

They had somehow survived the monster and also the embarrassment of explaining the broken furniture to the very frightened looking waitress. They were all overwhelmed with emotions and decided to head back to the hotel first and calm down before talking, but as soon as they entered the lobby Eddie stormed up the stairs shouting “I’m leaving!”

“Eddie please, let’s discuss this.” Mike called after him, with no success. 

The others stood silently in the lobby, sweaty and exhausted. Richie sat down on the couch next to Bev. 

“This is fucked up Mike.” He finally said. Everyone looked at Mike waiting for an explanation. He then sighed heavily and leaned back against the counter of the lobby bar. Then he explained.

  
  


“Someone has to talk to Eddie.” Bill said and all eyes turned to Richie.

“Me?” he asked, confused. “Shouldn’t Stan talk to him? He is the most reasonable here.”

Stan put a hand on Richie’s shoulder. “Come on man. You know Eddie will listen to you.”

“I don’t know if that’s true .” Richie murmured but got up anyway.

Richie stood in front of Eddie's hotel room door for 5 minutes when suddenly Eddie opened the door. “I can hear you breathing.” 

Then he turned around leaving the door open. There was an open suitcase on the bed half packed and some folded clothes laying on a chair next to it. Richie followed him inside. 

“You missed Mike's big speech.” Richie finally said.

“I think I can imagine what he said. It is back and we have to fight it again. Yada yada” He still had his back to Richie but his voice sounded defeated. 

“Yeah that’s pretty much it. Mikey used some fancier words thou.” Richie tried to laugh. 

This situation was so awkward you could feel the tension in the air. 

“Listen Eddie, I know what you’re thinking. We don’t own this town shit and we went through enough to last for a lifetime. We deserve a peacefull life and not fighting this stupid clown again. But… just the thought of leaving and risking some innocent kids getting killed makes me sick to the stomach. I want to live the rest of my life knowing It is dead and rotting underground!” 

There was a moment of silence before Eddie replied “What do I have to gain here?”

“What do you mean gain? We can live in peace knowing It is finally dead and save a bunch of kids lifes.”

“Who says I can’t live in peace right now? What if I walk out of Derry and forget everything again? I’ll go back to New York and continue my fucking boring life in peace.”

“Is that what you really want?” Richie asked.

There was silence after that.   
“No fuck I hate it.” Eddie finally said.

“So will you come downstairs and talk to the others? I think Mike has a plan.”

Eddie signed “You’re right, of course. But Richie.” He looked up expectantly. “Can you promise me something?” 

“Sure man, whatever is it?”

“When we get out of here, remember me to divorce my wife.”

When they got downstairs, Bev was awaiting Eddie with a hug and Stan put a hand on Richie's back whispering into his ear. “See I was right.”

“Yeah, yeah shut up. You’re always right Stan the man.”

While Mike explained to them that they all had to find a token from their past, Richie felt his gaze being pulled to Eddie again and again. One time Eddie caught him staring and he quickly turned away. Richie couldn't help but feeling drawn to Eddie. He felt anxiety boiling in the pit of his stomach and the urge to lay down and cry. He remembered feeling like that alot when he was a kid, but also later in life. It was the feeling of an unrequited love.

The next day Mike repeat his plan.

“We should split up.” Mike said.

“Ehm are you sure about that? We could all go together.” Eddie said.

“Yeah I’m with Eddie on this one, splitting up would be dumb.” Richie turned in. Then he felt Stans hand on his shoulder.   
“I think we should trust Mike on this one. let’s meet again at Neighbolt.”

“I still think this is a dumb idea.” Richie mumbled but the others were already heading out.

Richies token was a literal token. From the old arcade where he had played Street Fighter, as Ryu, being a guy 

for the first time in his life, the whole summer, before he and Eddie had become a couple. No before Rachel and Eddie had become a couple. He remembered the feeling of Eddie's hand in his own and his heart ached with longing.

He wasn’t the first one to arrive at Neighbold. Eddie was already sittin on the stairs outside the house, covered in what seemed to be mudd. 

“Jesus Eds what happened to you?” 

“I fell into the sewer.” 

“What the hell were you doing in the sewers?” 

“What do you think? Looking for my token.” 

Richie looked confused. “What was it?” 

Eddie lifted an old damaged inhaler. “I threw it in there after… after you had left. I was having panic attacks and started using it again, even though I knew it was bullshit. One day I just, snapped, and threw it in the river leading to the sewers…” 

Richie didn’t know what to say. Imagining Eddie, heartbroken that Rachel had left, so badly it gave him panic attacks, Richie thought he was about to puke again. 

“I’m sorry Eds.” Was all he said. There were no words. He was surprised when Eddie took his hand looking up at Richie “Don’t be.” The smile he gave Richie was sad but it was a smile nonetheless. 

  
  
  


They got separated from the others. Running through a tunnel trying to escape It’s claws when they ended up in front of three doors.

Very scary, Scary. Not scary at all, they said.

“Let’s go with _not scary at all_ ” Eddie said.

“No no no wait” They’re flipped! It-It is fucking with us.” Richie sputtered. His heart was racing hard because he remembered this.

“You sure?” Eddie sounded sceptical.

“Yeah it did it before with Bill and I.” Richie explained to Eddie what happened all those years ago.

“Okay so should we go with _Very Scary_ then?” Eddie concluded. 

“Yeah let’s do that.”

Richie went ahead and turned the door knob. A Pair of legs without a torso walked towards them. Richie screamed and shut the door again.

“Wow, great plan!” Eddie shouted.

“Okay okay I get it. Let’s go with _not scary at all_.” 

Richie opened the door and they saw nothing. 

“I think it’s safe to go.” He said. 

Eddie shone his flashlight inside the tunnel that was stretching behind the door, then pointed it to the ground. They both flinched but it was just a dog. A very cute dog.

“Oh wow that is cute.” Eddie said and strangely enough Richie imagined him and Eddie in a big house with a little dog. Why would he think about him and Eddie living together?

“Sit.” RIchie said and the dog did.

“That’s a good boy.” Eddie cood. 

What a weird situation. Then it was over with cute. The dog turned into a hideous monster, jumpscaring the both of them. Richie hit the door shut again. 

“What the fuck.” He screamed. 

“You said you did this before!” Eddie cried at him. 

“I didn’t say we succeeded!” 

“Oh wow really great dipshit. Maybe mention that before the next time!” 

Richie couldn’t suppress a chuckle. 

“What’s so fucking funny?” Eddie asked.

“We’re fighting like an old married couple.”

There was silence. Then.

“We never really broke up.” Eddie said.

“Come again?”

“We never really broke up!” He said, louder this time.

Richie didn’t know what to say. 

“Eddie you’re married.” He said dumbfounded. 

Eddie's face went red again. Richie was starting to get worried for his high blood circulation.

“I fucking know that dipshit. But we never broke up back then! You had to leave town and we never talked again.” 

“You didn’t date _me._ ”

“The fuck, of course I dated you!”

“You didn’t date me, you dated Rachel.” Richie had started shouting. 

“As if you would have ever dated me.” Just as fast as his anger had come it was gone again and all that was left was self pity. Fuck. 

Eddie looked confused, Richie knew what was about to come. He had this conversation many times. How he _used_ to be a girl. How he technically was still _female_. 

“But it was still you wasn’t it? On the inside? Your personality?” Eddie's voice had gone soft but Richie still vinced. “Rachel was a lot braver than I am.”

“Richie.” Eddie moved closer, hesitated before putting his hand on Richies arm. 

There was a loud bang coming from the cave and they could hear their friends screaming. “Come on.” Eddie said and took off, Richie at his heels.

  
  


Richie remembered what Bev had told about the deadlights the moment he was caught in it. But he didn’t see the future. Didn’t see anyone die but saw the person he had killed instead. He saw the past. He saw Rachel.

_Eddie had been in love with Rachel. He didn’t know about Richie then. Didn’t know that Rachel was actually a lie. A lie that Richie kept up cause he didn’t want to lose Eddie. That’s how much he loved him. He loved him so much it was torture. It wasn’t healthy. For neither of them but especially for Richie who felt caught in a cage. So he let Rachel live._

_Rachel was a tall lanky girl, with wild curly hair and glasses that made her eyes look huge. She was flat chested and had pimples cover her chin. She wasn’t pretty. She had been friends with Stan since kindergarten and they’ve met Bill and Eddie in middle school. Soon Bev and Ben joined their group and with Mike they were complete._

_Rachel soon realized she had a crush on Eddie. She loved pulling his strings and getting him wind up. He got so angry so fast, it was amazing. So like everyone who had a crush she teased him. She also liked touching him, putting her arm around his shoulder, cause he was so much smaller than her. Loved seeing him blush and wondered if he blushed because he also liked her or because she was a girl and boys blushed when a girl hugged them._

_It wasn’t until Bev’s 14th birthday party, they had just defeated Pennywise and Rachel felt invincible. They all did. Bev had stolen some bears and they got drunk on the bitter taste. Ben had passed out and Bev was sleeping on his stomach. Stan was also asleep on the couch and Bill and Mike were cleaning up in the kitchen. Eddie was sitting in the middle of the old living room rug, picking at loose strings. Rachel crawled closer to him until she sat across from him._

_“Hey Eddie Spaghetti how's it going? Are you drunk?”, Rachel asked. Eddie made a small huff and shook his head._

_“ ‘m not drunk.”_

_“Too bad.” Rachel said. “Because if you were, maybe I would be brave enough to kiss you.” she whispered the last words. She didn’t dare to look up and so she missed Eddie's bright red face and his huge eyes staring at her. Richie wished he was her. She was brave and a girl and Eddie liked her. Even if they made an odd pair with their size difference but they didn’t care. God he wanted to be her so badly, he screamed let me out let me out. But she wouldn’t. “If you want him, then you need me.” she said and he knew she was right. And Richie hated her for that._

_Eddie didn’t kiss Rachel that night. He kissed her when they were on their way back home. They were just around the corner of Eddie’s house when Eddie stopped in his tracks. Rachel looked over her shoulder at him “What’s wrong?”_

_Eddie was looking down, his hands folded into fists. “I really wished you kissed me last night. You’re braver than I am.”_

_That made Rachel laugh, but it was a sad laugh, cause it was Richie who was laughing and it was Richie who said “Believe me you’re a lot braver than me.”_

_And then Eddie had kissed Rachel. And then they just stood there on the side of the road holding hands._

_That’s how Eddie and Rachel had become a couple. And they had been a couple till they lost their memories._

Richie snapped back to the present when he felt lips pressed onto his own, strong hands holding his face pressing it against their own. Then Eddie pulled back and Richie took a gasping breath like a drowning man finally breaking through the surface. Richie was at a loss for words. Eddie had just kissed him. Did this mean something? No it couldn’t. He probably just had done it cause it was what had brought back Bev all those years ago. This didn’t mean anything, this wouldn't mean anything, this-

“I love you.” Eddie waited till Richie's eyes met his before he repeated. “I love you. I have always loved you and don’t try to interrupt me, shush your mouth! I know you said Rachel was a different person and she probably was but it was also you to some extent and I have always felt drawn to you. I probably would have realized I was gay sooner if it wasn’t for Rachel, but I love _you_ Richie! The moment I saw you again at the Jade of Orient I knew it was _you_ and my heart broke because I had forgotten about you and wasted 27 years with someone else that I could have spent with you!” 

“I-” Richie couldn’t even start his sentence because he saw a giant claw coming down behind Eddie and he took all his strength to roll them both to the side, the claw shredding the ground just centimeters beside their faces. 

“We’ll continue this later.” Eddie said and Richie agreed, nodding his head saying “Yep, yep.” and they both scrambled to their feet. Feeling braver than ever before Richie picked up another rock turning back towards the monster and shouting obscene insults at It and then laughing at Its face. Weirdly enough the monster was shivering but not from the hit but from Richies words. “Oh my god.” he heard Mike say. “We can make him small! We have to show him we’re not afraid.”   
“I’m not afraid of anything.” Richie said, feeling a grin spreading over his face. When Eddie took his hand next to him he felt inficible. 

Who would have thought you could defeat a monster by shouting insults at it? Maybe all the high school bullies were onto something. Probably not.

  
  


Back at the hotel they all decided to take a shower and sleep before meeting again for breakfast. 

“I’m ready to pass out, fuck the shower.” Bev said when taking the stairs. 

When he reached the top of the stairs Eddie stopped and looked at Richie 

“Will you come with me?” He pointed at his door. 

“Don’t you wanna take a shower?” Richie asked. 

An exquisite flush was starting to bloom on Eddie's face and Richie felt his heart swell in his chest. 

“I don’t wanna be separated again.” Eddie finally admitted and without another word Richie followed him into his room. Richie was pretty sure at least one or two of the others noticed him entering Eddie's room but he didn’t mind. 

“You can shower first if you want to.” Eddie said motioning towards the bathroom. 

“Nah it’s fine I know how much you hate being dirty and you have been covered in Derry goo for the better half of the day.” 

“Thanks Richie.” 

Richie didn’t dare to sit down anywhere while Eddie was in the shower. He thought about going back to his room because he had no change of clothes but Eddie said he didn’t want to be apart so Richie stayed. 

Sooner than he expected Eddie emergency the shower. His hair was still wet and he was wearing an actual pyjama. 

“The shower is free now.” Obviously. 

“Yeah thanks, eh Eddie.?” 

“Mhm?” 

“I don’t really have a change of clothes with me.” 

“Oh shit right ehm …” Eddie looked around his room as if to somehow find cloths in Richies size laying around

“I could just go and grab some real quick” 

“I know I’m just being stupid urgh, sorry. Yeah go ahead.” 

“I’ll be back in a flash.” Richie said and made his way back to his room. He grabbed a fresh pair of underwear and his sleeping shorts. He usually slept topless but he should probably grab a tee. 

When he returned Eddie was waiting in the door of his room, like he was afraid Richie wouldn’t come back. He ushered Richie into the shower and shut the door. 

Richie wished he could stand under the hot stream forever, it felt so good on his sore muscles. No more running and climbing for at least a month he decided while rubbing hotel shampoo into his scalp. 

When he returned to the main room Eddie was sitting cross legged on the bed scrolling through his phone. Richie cleared his throat and Eddie looked up… and blushed. Richie clutched his dirty clothes closer to himself not sure what to do next. Eddie quickly stood up from the bed and stood in front of Richie.

“You look good.” He said and smiled shyly. Then he took Richie's clothes from his arms. 

“Let me..” he said, then took the clothes and put them in the bin where Richie only noticed now, Eddie’s own clothes were already spilling out of. 

“Uhm.” 

“We are not putting our killer clown clothes back on. Ever.” 

He went back into the bathroom to wash his hands, when he came out again Richie was still standing in the middle of the room. 

“Sit down.” Eddie motioned towards the bed. Richie did sit. The adrenalin from killing It slowly left his body and he was exhausted but also irritated. 

“I wanted to talk to you.” Eddie said when he sat down next to Richie. The mattress bowed under their combined weight and Richie found the sensation oddly intimate. 

“Sounds good to me.” Richie said and gave two thumbs up. He felt incredibly awkward.

Eddie drew his hand across his face and sighed loudly. “I’m not sure where to start.”

“Mhmm you asked me to remind you to divorce your wife.” Richie said helpfully.

“Yeah that’s a good start. I’m gay.”

“You’ve said so before, in the cave.” Richie's heart was racing. This was it wasn’t it? The thing he had always dreamed about. The one thing he thought he could never have.

“And I love you.” Eddie continued eyebrows furrowed. “But.” 

Oh god. Richies heart sank. Worst case scenario rushed through his head a million various of what horrible things Eddie could say next in the span of 5 seconds. Tears filled his eyes and Eddie looked shocked when they spilled over.

“Hey, hey what's wrong.” His hands immediately rushed towards Richie's face, holding it gently in the palm of his hands, brushing the tears away with his thumb. 

“Eddie…”, Richie didn’t even know what he wanted to say, he just wanted Eddie to stay. He sobbed as more tears spilled over he couldn’t stop. 

“Richie what’s wrong?” Eddie asked, and only then Richie realised that Eddie had started crying too.

“Why are you crying?” Richie said between sobs. 

“I don’t know, why the fuck are you crying? Seeing you sad makes me fucking sad!” 

That made Richie laugh and with too many emotions filling his head he started hysterical laughing while simultaneously crying. Eddie started laughing too and soon they were lying sideways holding on to each other's shoulders while trying to catch their breath again. 

“What the fuck.” 

“You tell me.”

“Urgh.” Eddie wiped the remaining tears from his face and took a deep breath.

“I was trying to tell you that I love you. But I can’t be together with you before I’ve broken up with Myra.”

“You want to be together with me?” Richie asked dumbfounded.

“What part of I love you ain't clicking.” Eddie flicked Richies forehead.

“Ouch.”

Richie smiled into the silence that followed. It felt peaceful.

“What about you?” Eddie asked quietly.

Richie took Eddie's hand before he started talking. 

“I was so desperately in love with you as a kid. And when Mike called,I knew there was something I was afraid of. I thought it was the clown but it was you. I was so afraid of seeing you again but I also wanted to see you again. I missed you so badly. There had been an ache in my heart for years and I never knew what it was. But now I know. It was missing you.” Eddie's free hand was tangled in Richie's hair. “I love you Eddie. I want to be together with you in any meaning of the phrase.”

“Richie I am not gonna cheat on my wife.” Eddie said he was holding back devouring Richie at the spot.

“Can I get a kiss at least? A little friendly pek. A smack? I would give Stan a smacker!”

“You would fully make out with Stan given the chance don’t lie to yourself.”

“Well…” Richie smiled sheepishly. 

“You did not! When?” Eddie sat up in shock.

“Eh it was a while after I came out to him…” It was kinda awkward cause Richie and Stan had made out the night before Bevs birthday, which followed by Rachel and Eddie becoming a couple.

“So… you two were..?” The furrow between Eddies brows deepended. 

“Oh no no no Stan just likes making out and idk he had just come out as bi it was the first time someone kissing me knowing I was a boy.”

Eddie had dropped his gaze probably thinking. “I think I can understand that.” He finally said.

“You could make out with Stan if that would make you feel better. We could be even.”

“He’s married! I’M married for fucks sake!”

“I’m telling you if you asked Stan he would make out with you!”

“I don’t want to make out with Stan!”

“Oh but why?” Richie wined.

“The only one I wanna make out with is you dumbass!”

“Oh.” Richie was quiet again. The thought of Eddie wanting _him_ was still overwhelming.

“I also wanna make out with you.”He whispered.

“Soon.” Eddie said. “But I would like to discuss some things first with you.”

“Now??!”

“No, tomorrow. Let’s get breakfast tomorrow and we can make a game plan.”

“A game plan for your divorce?”

“No, a game plan for our future.”

  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading till the end!  
> I hope you enjoyed this. Any critique is always welcomed :)
> 
> Should I write a part 2 were they make plans, Eddie divorces his wife and move in together?


End file.
